Forgiveness
THE PAST IS OVER!
A simple yet profound statement with the key to freedom.
I can look back through my checkered past, with the cornucopia of un-awakened choices made, and see clearly the correlation of unpleasant effects which proceeded. The experience of running on autopilot, sleep walking through life, often crash landing into awakening, left with undesired consequences, devoid of the energy to face the music, and a general feeling of helplessness. I became a prisoner of reacting to unexamined thoughts serving the dormant little me, which in turn made space for the “victim of circumstances” to flourish. The angry and/or frustrated boyfriend, husband, employee, employer, father, son, student, teacher, customer and friend, would appear, disappear and then reappear. There would be the simple sarcastic statement, muttering under the breath, to all out yelling coupled with stomping rage. Quite a spectacle to observe for sure!
The truth is, I did the best I could with where I was at the time.
How could it be otherwise?
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
Forgiveness is liberation from resentment. Sadhguru says forgiveness is like deciding, “You know what? I’m tired of potato farming.” Dropping the sack frees you up. It’s not about letting the other person off the hook; it’s about unhooking yourself from the negativity.
For years I held onto the past. It was a badge of honor. “Boy if you had the childhood I had you would understand” I was full of resentments. I continually blamed, whether internally by my thinking, externally through my actions, or my current reality on outside circumstances. The parents I was born into, the town, the community, the school, fill in the blank.
I had a persistent feeling of bitterness, anger, or indignation due to a perceived insult, injury, or unfair treatment, often reflecting a lingering emotional state after an offense. I had a “habit” of re-feeling the unexamined emotional charge often repeating the interaction with someone over and over in my head or worse running around sharing “a story” with anyone who would validate my claims. I would hold onto this story and like a crouching tiger, I would wait for the moment to strike with a sarcastic comment or passive aggressive withholding of compassion and understanding of the other parties involved.
The truth is, everyone did the best they could with where they were at in that moment in time.
How could it be otherwise?
Forgiveness involves both the mind and the heart, integrating emotional kindness with practical wisdom. Forgiveness is not just about letting go of resentment; it’s about doing so in a way that serves the greater good, while also recognizing boundaries and maintaining accountability. This is wise compassion as discussed in the book, Compassionate Leadership, by Rasmussen Hougaard and Jacqueline. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean ignoring or condoning harmful behavior. Wise compassion allows you to forgive without compromising your further values or allowing further harm. Wise compassion in forgiveness involves letting go of resentment but not necessarily absolving someone of responsibility. Compassionate individuals practice forgiveness while still ensuring that actions are understood and that learning from mistakes occurs.
Forgiveness isn’t just about forgiving others but also about practicing self-forgiveness. This was an area for which I had a very difficult struggle for a great deal of my life. I had to recognize my own limitations and mistakes with kindness, while also holding myself accountable for learning and growth. This is a balancing act of acknowledging where I have fallen short but doing so in a way that promotes healing and future well-being.
In order to experience forgiveness I needed to forgive. I had to let go of the old story. I had to move from dwelling in the past and forgiving in the present. This allows me to see things as they are, but I do this with wise compassion. Wise compassion encourages a balanced approach to forgiveness, where empathy is tempered with wisdom. I needed to forgive others and myself in a way that supports healing and growth, while maintaining boundaries and ensuring that there is accountability. This practice involves not just emotional kindness but also thoughtful, practical action that considers the long-term well-being of all involved.
Are you ready to use the power of forgiveness?
