Awakening
“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” –Eckhart Tolle
My first conscious experience of awakening was when I signed up for a Tai Chi Chuan class in my early twenties. The class had an extended weekend seminar built into it which consisted of an afternoon of meditation. The meditation was simple. Follow the breath. The instructor guided the class to breathe in and out while picturing a bead of light traveling up from the perineum up the spine to the top of the head, down the face and exhale once it reaches the tongue which rests lightly on the roof of the mouth all the way back down the front of the body to return to the perineum to complete the cycle. All the while keeping your attention on the breath. Simple right? During the meditation the instructor said “ If your mind wanders just become aware and then return your mind back to the breath.”
This was my first experience with observing the thinking mind so vividly. The mind began with something like this, “don’t you have something more important to be doing” or “This is silly, a bunch of people sitting in a circle while someone instructs you to breathe”, on and on this dialog went. Then it hit me, if I am observing my thoughts, it means I am not my thoughts, if I am not my thoughts, who am I? I began to realize I am the awareness behind the thoughts. I began to feel this weight lift and I sensed this aliveness within the body. I was able to observe the thoughts and let them pass. I would return my attention back to the breath until there was just breathing. No thoughts. There was no “I” breathing , there was just breathing. I had experienced the first conscious glimpse of presence.
Many years passed from that time in my life before I was able to again get back to that space of felt presence. I quickly fell back into the chaos of the unexamined mind. I drifted into the unawakened state. Often pulled into directions which inevitably led to suffering.
What I have come to realize about myself, is when I am suffering I seek relief. I would seek outside myself for relief, whether through alcohol, drugs, sex, relationships, gossip, buying things, always seeking outside for more. This cycle of suffering and craving relentlessly left my body and mind exhausted and drained. My “life” was mired in chaos. Finances over extended. Relationships in turmoil. Marriage. Divorce. Drugs & alcohol. Mental and physical sickness.
I was drowning. I would develop strategies for managing the chaos. I would try and control everything and everyone in my field. I was a victim of circumstance, always trying to fix things. Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was trying to make changes to the plane of effects and ignoring the causal factors which led to the chaos for which I would experience in “my life.”
Every now and then I would pop my head up for a breath, get back on the wagon, and seek out that feeling of presence again. I have come to realize today, each time I was able to create more space for presence to enter, the easier it was to get back there. Through meditation, mindfulness, nutrition, exercise, a well balanced life, and martial arts, I was able to align my attention with creating the life and experience I really wanted. In the awakened state I actively make choices to the vision I have for my life and what I wish to experience. I choose my experience and the interpretation of what is happening by shifting my focus to the present moment.
The only place to affect change is solely available to us is in the present moment. Here is where we tap into the mystery, merge with possibility, we say yes to life. We diligently make secondary choices which support the vision we have for our lives. In the present moment we face challenges head on and recognize the truth of any situation which occupies our attention. We begin to see and feel the interconnectedness of all things. We can begin to see the chaos brought about in our lives from living in the unawakened state and remember to exercise compassion and understanding for ourselves, our families, friends, co-workers and society at large.
Living in the present moment doesn’t always mean undesirable events will not occur for us but our attention to the situation will come from a higher understanding of the interconnectedness of all things. We cannot escape the chaos of our world. We cannot escape the random improbabilities which will come to pass such as a flat tire, someone running into at a traffic light, or our flight getting canceled but we can shift our focus and see what possibilities can come of each new moment.
“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.” – Eckhart Tolle
How can you create space for presence and possibility in your life today?
